Platform 327

This has been the single-worst week on the TTC that I have ever experienced in my life.

MONDAY: Somebody forgot to lock the fucking cages.

On the 168 Symington bus, half-way to the subway station, some old lady gets on and says to the driver: “I’m just going to the subway station. I can walk there, but I don’t want to. I’m not paying to get on.”

I’m sure you can imagine how the driver took that little bit of news. Then the old lady starts going on about how if the driver loved God, he would let her on the bus without paying. This goes on for a while, then some other dude starts muttering in some Eastern European language. The crazy lady picks up on it and they get into a shouting match in whatever language it was they were speaking. Finally the guy throws some money at her so she would shut up and the bus could start moving again. I didn’t need to know what language they were speaking to know he was cussing her out while she was smiling and saying: “Thank you, God.” Even after she finally sat down she kept yammering on about how happy she was and if everyone else on the bus would just be happier if they let God give them things.

I really wish that guy hadn’t encouraged her.

Two stops later, some chick gets on the bus and… DOESN’T PAY! This one grabs a pole by the door of the bus and starts shouting every time the bus driver tries to say something to her until she came to the conclusion that the driver - who was pretty stressed out by this point - could yell louder than her. She got off and we finally made it to the subway station without further incident.

Later that day, on the 39 Finch East bus, there was even more fun. Not only was there a lead-footed driver who seemed to take pleasure in tossing the passengers around with fast accelleration and hard stops, there was some drunk old dude yelling about how “fucking cold” it was every five minutes. This went on until some dude with long, curly hair and a biker jacket came on. Then the old guy started screaming about how that guy had a “girl’s haircut.” I wasn’t on the bus much longer after that, but I’d be sorry if I missed it coming to blows. I could have used a good street brawl to entertain me.

TUESDAY: Fall of the machines.

I ended up being late for work because it took three busses instead of one to get from where I was to where I was going to meet the person I was carpooling with. After getting off the subway at Kipling, I got on the 123 Shorncliffe bus thinking I was so lucky to have made it just as the bus pulled in. I get on the bus and sit there a few minutes. I figure it’ll be a little while before the bus gets going. That happens at the beginning of the line.

After about ten minutes, I start thinking I’m going to be late if we don’t get underway soon. There’s no driver in sight. Finally, he comes back, stops the bus’s engine and starts it up again. I think: “Oh, shit. He’s rebooting the bus.” He closes the door, making everyone on board think we’re getting underway. No such luck. The doors flap for a couple of minutes, the bus gets rebooted again, and the driver disappears. A few minutes later, he comes back with a transit supervisor and tells everyone that the bus is going nowhere and we’ll all have to get onto the next bus.

At this point I’m already late, but there’s not a whole lot I can do about it. I get on the next bus. Things seem to be okay. We get from Kipling, to Sherway, and we’re about to turn onto Browns Line, hitting the final stretch to Long Branch.

And then it happened. Some asshole trucker clipped the side of the bus taking the driver’s side mirror off. There we are, sitting again, waiting for a transit supervisor to come to assess the damage and get the trucker’s insurance info.

The third bus finally got us to Long Branch. I took it on faith that by that time my carpooler had left me behind and made it to work on time. I just made it in time to get the GO Train that would me to work twenty minutes late instead of an hour and twenty minutes late.

WEDNESDAY: These are our future leaders.

On the ol’ 168 again. I just miss one bus, and that was my downfall. One freakin’ minute earlier out of the house, and everything would have been fine. What’s that ancient Chinese curse? “May you live in interesting times.”

Dude gets on the bus two stops away from my house. Puts $1.50 in the fare box, claiming he’s a “student.” One look at this guy, and there’s no way. The driver asks to see his student card. He calls her “bitch” a few times and says the other drivers let him on all the time. Driver calls it in, and five minutes later the voice of The TTC Supervisory Office comes over the bus’s speakers quoting the by-law that states none shall pass without proper fare and/or ID. Dude doesn’t take this too well and still refuses to leave while the bus passengers start getting restless. Another five minutes pass, and The Voice comes on again, stating that the bus is now out of service, and that a TTC Supervisor and police are on the way. Well, dude was pretty tough with TTC people, but as soon as he heard the cops were coming he high-tailed it out of there.

Bus gets underway again. Goes two stops. Another dude gets on, shows his student card, and proceeds to put $1 into the fare box. Student fare is $1.50. He also doesn’t accept criticism gracefully, screaming at the driver that the fare is $1.25, not $1.50. Of course she points out that it is, in fact, $1.50, as it has been for years, and even if it was $1.25, he only put $1.00 in. He cursed and grumbled about it, but finally put the rest of the money in and sat down.

But wait! There’s more!

Another guy gets on, drops in a student ticket and does the old “I’m on the phone so I can’t hear the driver screaming at me” routine. Other passengers made him stop and turn around, and the driver pointed out that he had used a student ticket but didn’t show his card. The guy made a big show of going through every pocket on him, openning up his backpack, going through his wallet three or four times… finally the driver just told him to sit down. Fucking ten-minute ride to the subway took almost half an hour.

No matter what they say at city hall, more money and dedicated bus lanes aren’t the solution to the TTC’s problems. We’ve got to cull the herd.