Platform 327

A couple of funny things came up regarding the economy today that I thought I’d share.

First off, I got an idea that would probably make a ridiculously complicated game, but maybe a funny skit: Monopoly: 2008 Economics Edition! It would go something like this:

I own the Electric Company, and you own the B&O Railroad. You need some extra cash, so I’ll buy the rail lines from you and lease them back to you for for 50 years. I can now add that projected long-term income to my balance sheet and use that to float a loan to buy the Water Works, issue more shares, and then borrow from the bank to buy back the shares I just issued. The bank then converts that loan into an equity investment which allows me to issue even more shares which I use as leverage to buy hotels on the Boardwalk. These hotels are committed to purchasing water and power from my own utilities, therefore I can again add some projected long-term income to my balance sheet, get another loan from the bank, buy the Free Parking Lot and convert it to a condominium development and shopping complex. The bank doesn’t have any money to loan for this project, so it creates an investment vehicle that it can sell to its retirement-plan clients. Everything works swimmingly until the next person passes “Go,” discovers the bank doesn’t have $200, and nobody wants to play anymore.

The other amusing thing that came up today was something a friend sent me via email from the Edmonton Sun:

“If you’d bought $1,000 of Nortel stock a year ago, it’d be worth $49 today. A thousand bucks of CanWest Global 12 months ago would fetch $80 today. WorldCom stock? Now worth $5. But had you purchased $1,000 of cheap wine a year ago and drank it all, the bottle depot would give you $100 for the empties. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.”

Looks like Stephen Harper is taking a page from the McCain/Palin campaign book and getting into comedy television.

Maybe it’s a step towards more exciting elections in this country. Maybe some party will come up with something other than the milquetoast candidates that all ran on a “vote for me, I’m not him” platform this time around. Maybe I’m kidding myself.

38% of 59% of Canadians gave the Conservatives a near-majority with 143 seats in Parliament.

26% of 59% voted to give the Liberals 76 seats in Parliament.

With 10% of the popular vote, the Bloc Quebecois gets 50 seats, yet the NDP only gets 37 seats with nearly twice as many votes at 18%.

The Greens get only 3% less than the Bloc with 7%, but are left with zero seats and no voice in Parliament.

Who does this government represent?

Don’t forget to go out to the store and buy your discounted sugary treats! And when you’re done, sign up for the class-action lawsuit being filed against Canada’s chocolate manufacturers. It’s not like there are any real problems in the world or anything. While we’re at it, let’s sue Sony for making Playstation 3s too expensive, or McDonald’s for inflating the price of burgers. Hell, let’s just sue everybody! It’s an American-style litigation! And if those lawyers don’t get us the money they’ve promised, we’ll sue them with other lawyers! Yeee-haw!

Uh-oh. I’ve probably said enough to get myself sued.

Hanlon’s Razon tells us, “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.” And damn, there’s a whole lot of stupidity in the world. That’s one reason I don’t buy into a whole lot of conspiracy theories: conspiracy theorists have way too much faith in human intelligence. I, on the other hand, think that most of the world’s ills are due to dumbfucks in high places whose only job qualifications consist of being able to do as little as possible whilst covering their collective asses well enough to keep their jobs. Submitted for your approval: an Canadian owned and operated automobile company that builds zero-emission vehicles… that are illegal to operate in Canada.

There is no conspiracy here. People are just a bunch of fuck-ups. Hopefully the intelligent people behind this car are persistent enough to stay in business long enough for the idiots to wake up.

Okay, that douchebag I mentioned in the last posting is getting way too much attention — which is what that little fart wants. His actions are raising a whole lot of questions about the validity, definition, aesthetics and politics surrounding art and, in the context of his idiocy. This, in my humble opinion, is taking attention away from good artists who actually make good stuff.

Will I let that continue? Well, there’s not a whole lot I can do about what other people are talking about. But with the holiday season coming, I think some attention should be given to those artists who deserve it, no matter what the discipline. When you’re doing your Christmas shopping this year, consider picking up a little unique something from an independent artist or craftsperson. I’m not as in the loop as I used to be for this sort of thing, but here are a few suggestions I can offer:

• Cynthia Gould - if you’ve been to my place, you’ve seen her painting entitled “70s Lamp.” That’s just one of the many paintings she’s done. She’s also got a CafePress shop with mugs and clocks and other giftable sundries. She also knits, and might make something for you if you ask her nicely.
• Ravi Persaud - he hasn’t updated his site for a couple of years, but he’s still got a good CD available. He also uses CafePress for his storefront to sell his CDs, etc. Oh, and he has created a book called In Sight of Leonardo da Vinci, a collection of notes from the master himself.

And, well, that’s all I’ve got off the top of my head. Like I said, I’m not as in-the-loop with this stuff as I used to be. However, I do invite anyone reading this to add a link to an artist who deserves some attention (and a little bit of cash) this Christmas to the comment thread. If someone else comes to mind, I’ll be sure to do the same.

And remember, not all artists are assholes.

We knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Canada’s rather lax (in comparison to our southern neighbours) copyright laws are getting a facelift.

Quite frankly, I could give a rats ass about what the major labels do. They’ve been feeding us nothing but pablum, shit, and boomer nostalgia for way too many years, and it’s about time their profits start to suffer for it.

What I do hope that someone wakes up to is the fact that if the major record labels get a free hand to sue every 12-year-old girl with a downloaded Britney track on her iPod, the levy on blank media should be lifted, especially these days when there’s no guarantee that a blank CDR is going to be used to make a copy of copyrighted music. All I use blank CDRs for is making Linux disks, creating copyright-free audiobooks for my dad, or making CDs that I’ve made from music given away for free by independent artists… or music that I’ve even bought from independent artists. There’s nothing good coming out of the major labels anyway. Why should I have to pay a levy to them?

I’ll be fine with continuing to pay my $0.21 per CD if that means bullshit lawsuits are kept out of the courts. Otherwise, it should go. Or, of course, I could just mail-order blank CDRs from the US. Maybe I should stock up while our dollar is still somewhat hot.

Forgot to mention something: television is now out of my house. Not just cable, which happened a few months ago, but all broadcast television. I even unplugged the antenna. Not only were there very few programs that I liked coming into my house, and what little I did like was peppered with loud, manic commercials for shit I don’t want. So fuck off, television. I’ll take your money, but you’re not welcome in my house.

The Toronto Star reported yesterday that the organizers of the insipid Wakestock event (no link because I don’t want to give them the hit count) that took place on the Islands this past weekend hacked the limbs off of old-growth trees in a public park so that a bunch of jerks could jump their little motorcycles higher. Torontoist and Spacing are hosting discussions on the subject.

So someone in the city who has a tree on their own property that they want to cut down can’t do a damn thing about it, but a one-day event in a public park can hack trees down willy-nilly, no problem? Since I haven’t seen any reaction from the city in today’s news, it seems like that’s the case. I’m surprised the usually-vocal Toronto Islands residents haven’t raised a big stink about this themselves.

What gets me is the fact that even if the City levied fines against the organizers and sponsors of Wakestock, they would just list it as the “cost of doing business,” write it off on their income taxes and get their fines paid for by the Federal government (read we, the taxpayers).

How difficult would it be to change the tax laws to that fines for criminal behaviour are not considered tax-creditable losses? If fines actually impacted the bottom line of a corporation, the shareholders would be more motivated to ensure that their company acted in a responsible manner, would they not?

I’ll forgo the rant about politicians and corporations for now. On the Wakestock issue, I only do business with one of their corporate sponsors, Telus, and the alternative service providers in the cell phone industry aren’t much better. Maybe I’ll write them a letter, or maybe I will change cell phone providers. Primus has cell service, and they give Air Miles.